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Top 60 Funny Quotes On Life That Will Make You Laugh

Top 60 Funny Quotes On Life That Will Make You Laugh

Top 60 Funny Quotes On Life That Will Make You Laugh

If you just woke up, on your way to work, taking a break from your desk, in the toilet or just having some free time, it will always feel nice to read a few funny quotes that will make you laugh out loud or smile. Everyone needs a little happiness each day. We hope you enjoy these quotes. 🙂

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. – Oscar Wilde

funny quotes about life 1

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama

funny quotes about life 2

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. – Rodney Dangerfield

funny quotes about life 3

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. – Jackie Mason

funny quotes about life 4

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. – Will Rogers

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner

funny quotes about life 5

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. – Abraham Lincoln

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip

funny quotes about life 6

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? – George Carlin

Why do they call it “rush hour” when nothing moves? – Robin Williams

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. – Milton Berle

funny quotes about life 7

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles M. Schulz

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. – Walter Matthau

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. – Dennis Wholey

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. – Alan Dundes

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. – Norman Wisdom

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain

Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something. – Enid Blyton

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. – Albert Einstein

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? – George Carlin

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.– Oscar Wilde

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam. – George Carlin

Women are made to be loved, not understood. – Oscar Wilde

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. – Charles Wadsworth

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. – Bob Hope

At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. – Ann Landers

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. – Earl Wilson

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. – Anton Chekhov

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. – Groucho Marx

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. – Benjamin Franklin

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. – John Wayne

funny quotes about life 8

I’ve never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don’t sit on a wall, if you’re an egg. – Ricky Gervais

I’m in shape. Round is a shape. – George Carlin

funny quotes about life 9

Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. – Joan Collins

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. – Phyllis Diller

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. – Clint Eastwood

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. – Natalie Wood

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. – Navjot Singh Sidhu

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? – John Barrymore

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. – Sam Ewing

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. – Groucho Marx

funny quotes about life 10

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. – George Carlin

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’ – Conan O’Brien

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That’s like a free compliment and you don’t even gotta be smart to notice it. – Mitch Hedberg

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. – Christopher Morley

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. – Gertrude Stein

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. – Rita Rudner

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. – Fred Allen

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – Steven Wright

If women ran the world, we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. – Robin Williams

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. – Indira Gandhi

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. – George Bernard Shaw

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. – Ashleigh Brilliant

We do hope these quotes bring you inspiration and strength as it did for us.

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