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100 Funny Dog Quotes You Can Relate To

100 Funny Dog Quotes You Can Relate To

100 Funny Dog Quotes You Can Relate To

You will be able to relate to these 100 funny dog quotes that will put a smile on your face and brighten any dull day. Enjoy!

“A bad hair day means you lived well.”

“A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley

“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.”

“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well – almost.” – Charlotte Gray

“A dog is a great companion when one spouse has to go away on a business trip.”

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley

“A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” – Helen Thomson

“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.” – Charles M Schulz

“Always look up; there are treats beyond your wildest dreams waiting!”

“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” – Franklin P. Jones

“Beware! Dog can’t hold its licker.”

“Choosing a dog may be the only chance you get to pick a relative.”

“Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.” – Steve Bluestone

“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” – Sue Murphy

“Dog is God spelled backward.” – Duane Chapman

“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.” – John Grogan

“Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.”

“Dogs are my favorite people.”

“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.” – Moby

“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” – Marilyn Monroe

“Dogs over dudes.”

“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.” – Sian Ford

“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” – Ann Landers

“Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow.

“Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take…I’ll be watching you.”

“Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.”

“I am not spoiled I just happen to be great at training people.”

“I am one dog short of crazy.”

“I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!” – Jonah Goldberg

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“I don’t think what the other dogs think, she’s my best friend!”

“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.” – Jarod Kintz

“I don’t who care who dies in the movie, as long as the dog lives.”

“I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.”

“I know your day was ruff but my food dish isn’t gonna fill itself.”

“I like dogs. You always know what a dog is thinking. It has four moods. Happy, sad, cross, and concentrating. Also, dogs are faithful and they do not tell lies because they cannot talk.” – Mark Haddon

“I Named My Dog ‘5 Miles’ So I Can Tell People I Walk 4 Miles Everyday!”

“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” – Bonnie Schacter

“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” – Rita Rudner

“I work hard so my dog can have a better life.”

“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” – John Steinbeck

“If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?”

“If all else fails, hug your dog. Or kitty!”

“If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” – James Thurber

“If our dog doesn’t like you, we probably won’t either.”

“If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” – Will Rogers

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.” – Fran Lebowitz

“If you don’t own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.” – Roger A. Caras

“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” – Phil Pastoret

“If you want the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.”

“If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.”

“If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.”

“If your dog is fat, YOU need more exercise.”

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” – Derek Bruce

“In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.” – Edward Hoagland

“It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.” – Jay London

“It’s OK if you don’t like my dog, not everyone has good taste.”

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Leave me only – I’m only speaking to dogs today.”

“Less people, more dogs.”

“Life without a dog is like an unsharpened pencil. It has no point.”

“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!” – Greg Curtis

“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” – Joe Weinstein

“My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” – Elayne Boosler

“No home decor is complete without dog hair.”

“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.” – Christopher Morley

“Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

“PLAY DIRTY! Dive into mudpits. Roll in old poop. Dig tunnels in the sand. You’re only a puppy once. There’s time to be clean later.”

“Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.” – Jodi Picoult

“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” – Franklin P. Jones

“Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.”

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney

“The best therapist has fur and four legs.”

“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.” – Mark Twain

“The dog is the god of frolic.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“The more people I meet, the more I love my dog.”

“The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hands that bites it.”

“The only person who understands me is my dog.”

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.”

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” – Bernard Williams

“They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.” – Jerome K. Jerome

“This home is filled with love and dog hair.”

“To err is human — to forgive, canine.”

“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” – Aldous Huxley

“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.” – George Carlin

“When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.” – Edward Abbey

“When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” – Kristan Higgins

“When I die my dog gets everything.”

“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.”

“Without my dog my wallet would be full my house would be clean but my heart would be empty.”

“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ ” – Dave Barry

“You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.”

“You must be my backyard because I really dig you!”

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” – Harry Truman

“When I smell good, I smell like cornchips. When I smell bad, I smell like a shrimp boat.”

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